My Heart is in Upstate New York Tonight

My heart is in Upstate New York tonight, settling into the spaces between the trees, where the mountains cradle me with their gentle giant hands, where healing and love echo in the laughter of friends coming together to share their journey. I hear the rushing of the streams across the campus, and see the windows of the buildings glowing in the dusk as the sun makes it's last dip toward the horizon. I peer inside with my mind's eye and see those dear souls milling about, finding one another, and settling in for three days of heart-healing connection.



You see, every Spring, right around the time of my birthday, there is a Women's retreat that takes place in the Catskill mountains of New York State. It is nothing short of magical. It has been going on since 2004, and until last year, I had been going there every year. My first year, it opened the floodgates to creative and spiritual awakening in me, and that forward momentum, that growth toward my deepest intentions, has never stopped propelling me toward my highest vision for my life. 


The reality is that I've moved myself and my life south, and while it's been a good move in many ways, it makes the trip longer, more arduous, and more expensive. So, I've had to give it up for the second year in a row, which means letting go of the healing energy of the fresh mountain air, and missing out on the outpouring of love and joy that we all share together.


What is it about the heart that it has the ability to be broken and to dance at the same time?


It leaves an ache in my chest to know that they are coming together tonight without me. It makes me long for their voices, their smiles and their shared stories. I feel like my heart could sink into my stomach as I think of all that I am missing tonight: the beginning of the mural, the games, the shared artwork, the tales of joy and sorrow from the year, the words with which we tell each other once again, "I cherish you deeply."

Yet, there is also a joy in my heart, right there mingled with the sorrow. I know that these wonderful women, with whom I've shared countless awakenings, are coming together tonight, faces beaming with joy as they find one another in the crowd after a long year apart. I feel the pure delight in their hearts, see them embracing and laughing, talking over dinner as they prepare for the first night in the cabins, where they will giggle like young girls, too excited to sleep. I know that tomorrow will find them doing yoga and hiking the mountain trails, drumming in the lodge, painting with watercolors, delving into the secrets of their dreams...whatever it is that calls to them in the morning and as the day progresses. I picture them gathering in the solarium to write, draw, knit, chat with friends, or simply to watch the birds at the feeders outside.There will be reiki energy, shared creativity, and endless encouragement. Then, when I think of tomorrow night, I can feel the outpouring of emotion,the peaceful meditation, the exuberant dancing, and the aroma of the fire. 


Just thinking about that place, those women, and all that will transpire this weekend is, for me, a reminder of all of the best things that life has to offer. It awakens bliss in my heart, just as if I were there beside them. And they know that, in my heart, I am.